That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
