my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
