Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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