Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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