I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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