Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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