seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
