Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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