I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
