If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize