She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
