i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
