I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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