Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
