she looked like the bat from fern gully.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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