Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
