He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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