So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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