I just saw a hot homeless man
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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