I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
