All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
