I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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