You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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