I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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