We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
