I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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