WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
