My liver just broke up with me...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
