I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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