i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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