He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
