i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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