trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
