my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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