Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
