Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
