This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
