Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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