Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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