He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
