I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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