I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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