At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
