Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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