I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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