I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
