Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
