im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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