What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize