I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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