My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
