This is not my ceiling
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
handjob tips. give me some.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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