just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
