Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize