I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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