when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
