I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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