Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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