I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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