The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
