sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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