my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
