Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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