I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We are two peas in an std pod
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
