You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
