Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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