he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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