Me too!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
