she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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