ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
