Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
