The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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