If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
